A friend and I were talking about confidence earlier. How do you become more confident? Do you snap your fingers just like that and all of sudden become more confident? Or do you need to take years and years of diving deep and healing and owning your shit before you can truly say you’ve found your unlimited source of confidence.

It took me years and years of looking for the answer. Me, a soft-spoken, shy girl who to this day prefers to stay low-key. I always had a confidence problem for a variety of reasons. I didn’t feel pretty enough because of my eyeglasses. I didn’t feel cool enough because I was always in the corner reading a book. I didn’t feel smart enough because of my own tendency to always be wanting to be more, do more, have more. And so I never believed in myself enough to stand up for myself until I was poked and prodded and pushed to the extremes.

And even when I started reading a ton of self-help books in my early 20s, investing time and money in courses and programs for “self-improvement,” meditating, with crystals to heal my “spiritual ailments”, and communicating with spirits using angel cards, I never really broke through the invisible barrier that kept me from truly knowing who I am and what I came here for.

Because even though I only realized it in hindsight, the only real way you can ever become confident is to know who you are.

I asked my friend today, “Who are you deep inside? Take away all the superficial stuff such as your name and your address and what you do for a living. Who are you?”

My friend said, “I’m a happy, funny, and weird guy deep inside. Who are you deep inside?”

I told him, “I’m a smart, strong, powerful woman deep inside.”

He was confused for a little bit. He said, “It doesn’t seem like there’s a difference between who you are inside and who you are outside.”

Exactly. That’s what it’s all about. Becoming confident doesn’t mean you have to fake it till you make it. You don’t have to stand in power poses or dress for success or use NLP techniques to convince your brain that you really are a confident person.

It’s simply knowing who you are deep inside and then letting what’s inside take over. You, that is, shallow and superficial you, the you that’s ruled by the ego, will want to take over. But even that part of yourself you don’t have to fight. You only have to surrender to who you truly are. Let her be and let her bloom. Give her the time and space to flourish in your life, and everything gets better from there.

All the things that you believed made you less than who you are, and therefore all the things you believed made you not confident in yourself will start fading from your life one by one. You won’t even have to push them away. They simply will stop bothering you. And you’ll forget about them just like that. One day, you’ll simply realize, oh, hmm, that little thing doesn’t bother you anymore.

And, no, sorry to everyone who’s taking forever to “find themselves”, but here’s something most people won’t admit and can’t admit because they think they wasted so much time soul-searching on faraway tropical islands or remote artsy mountain towns. 

It doesn’t take decades or years to find your true self. It doesn’t even take months or weeks or days. It doesn’t take much actually, but the courage to be honest with yourself. 

And here’s another thing most people don’t want to admit because if they did, they’d have to hold themselves responsible for being true to who they are. You already know who you are. You might not remember it, but you were born knowing. And even if you keep denying this knowledge your entire life, you will absolutely have to come face to face with it and the regret of not having lived it at the very last second of your life. You ALREADY know. You have always known. All you need to do is to admit it to yourself.

So when you feel like you’re not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, stop pretending. Stop trying to impress anyone with fake confidence we can all see through. Just stop and go within. Remind yourself who you truly are and let that wonderful being lead the way.