I grew up with a few simple assumptions:
- That I was smart, cool, and beautiful.
- That whatever happened, everything was going to be okay.
- That everything that happened happened for my own good.
Of course, many things happened to challenge those assumptions.
Growing up, I began wondering if I was truly smart, cool, and beautiful when I started to feel self-conscious about my big, thick eyeglasses. I was one insecure teenager, always wanting to be part of the cool crowd in school but never wanting to admit I wanted to feel I belonged. And in my early twenties, I threw myself into romantic relationships I instinctively knew weren’t right for me because I deeply wanted to feel I was part of something bigger than myself.
But even all throughout those years marked by fear and insecurity and a general feeling of not-enoughness, I always dropped back to my three basic assumptions:
- That, no matter what everyone else thought of me, I still knew deep inside that I was smart, cool, and beautiful.
- That, no matter what happened, everything was going to be okay in the end, whether in this lifetime or the next.
- That, whatever happened, I was gonna get something amazing out of life anyway.
And this, despite all the things that were supposed to hold me back, is why it always felt easy and simple and natural for me to succeed in whatever I did. All the good things that happened in my life happened not because I chased them or worked hard for them. They simply happened as a result of me assuming those three things in my life.
Success, happiness, and expansion — all these things follow me wherever I go. And it’s not because I try to make anything happen. It’s simply because I know that’s how I am. It’s kind of like magic, you see, except it feels a little bit more down-to-earth. No sprinkling of fairy dust, no casting of spells over a red candle lit on a blue moon night. It’s just how it naturally is.
It almost feels a little unfair, you know. It almost feels as if I’m cheating a little bit in life, exploiting a loophole for some reason I always knew had always been there to get just a little bit more for a little bit less effort.
Some people call it privilege. I do acknowledge that I was lucky to be born to parents who could feed me and send me to school. But privilege isn’t black and white. I was also born into circumstances that would’ve naturally set me back if I let them — like being born a brown-skinned girl in a third-world country, or having parents who didn’t know how to handle their finances, or losing in the genetics lottery and picking up a rare genetic disorder.
But, yes, I am privileged in every sense of the word, but not because I had rich grandparents. I am privileged because, somehow, even as a child, I’ve been given access to a place of knowing, a place of certainty, a place of truth that I could always fall back on when life turned a little bit too crazy.
I believe we’ve all been given access to this truth, but most people forget by the time they turn seven years old. And most people barely remember or have to wait for life to slap them in the face a hundred times before they start looking for the truth again.
And what’s that truth, you say? It’s simple.
That you’re more than who you think you are.
That you’re bigger, better, and more powerful than you think you are.
That all you can ever dream of, all you can ever desire, and all you can never in a million years have the guts to ask God for in your prayers is yours for the taking — but, first, you have to believe it so.
Of course, it’s always more complicated in “real life”, whatever that means for you. It’s never so easy to assume this truth when almost all your life experiences seem to prove otherwise —that you’re small and worthless, that what you do doesn’t matter, and that you don’t have much of an impact around you.
But over the years of learning to “love myself” and “put my needs above everything else”, I realized something. That self-love, when it’s real, extends outward to others. For how can it not if we’re really all cut out from one and the same fabric that makes up the entire Universe.
So while I keep diving deeper into the truth of who I am, I can’t help but want to inspire others around me to do the same. All this writing, all this blogging, all this getting further and further out of my comfort zone to share a message that’s dying to be let out, to live a life that I knew I was meant for — it’s all for me so I can get more in touch with myself. But it’s all for you too. Because I believe and I feel and I know with a knowledge that isn’t backed by logic or reason or judgment, that you too are meant to live a life you wouldn’t even dare admit you dream of.
All our lives we’ve been treated as underdogs, the have-nots, the not-so-lucky-ones. People have always assumed we’re naturally less than — less talented, less competent, less in every aspect of life, even when there’s solid, physical evidence that proves it false.
Aren’t you sick of being seen and treated that way? Aren’t you sick of seeing and treating yourself that way? You can spend half of your life trying to understand why that’s how you feel, or you can just do it like I did and get on with it. I simply stopped going down this path of life, changed directions, and found myself going deeper into the harsh and scary but ultimately liberating truth — that I can be whomever I want to be.
That is available for you too. It always has been. And if I have to write the same message a thousand different times for you to know it’s true, then that’s what I’d do. Because, really, there’s no going deeper into my true self, there’s no soaring higher into the sun and the moon and the stars, there’s no breaking barriers that weren’t there in the first place, unless I take you with me.
Whether you like it or not, whether you believe it or not, we’re all in this human experience together. We’re all in the fucking around in the muck together and we’re all in the transcending the muck together. And, sure, some people will not want to transcend. Some people will want to stay where they are for whatever reason they may have.
But you — have you heard that voice too? Have you felt that inner nudge too? Have you somehow seen glimpses of how cool, and beautiful, and smart you really are? Then come with me. Take my hand. Shed off your old notions of who you are and get ready to be amazed, no, get ready to fall back into grace as you remember who you truly are.